


Silo-Land Grand Opening

by Ursula



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-08
Updated: 2004-08-08
Packaged: 2019-02-05 14:24:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12796395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ursula/pseuds/Ursula
Summary: I'd pay for this ride





	Silo-Land Grand Opening

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Silo-Land Grand Opening 

by Ursula 

 

 

Mulder tossed and turned, finally concluding he needed to follow through with his desires. Somewhere, Alex was in pain and, as much as Mulder thought he wanted his former lover to suffer, he could not bear the thought.

 

The silo looked different when he arrived. Perhaps it was the sweeping show lights and the neon sign that read:

 

RESCUE ALEX KRYCEK FROM THE SILO

 

It may have been the vendors hawking condoms (31 flavors!), lubricant, fluid replacements, and souvenir black-jacketed Alex dolls, some with real eyelashes that batted prettily.

 

A line of people waited to get into the site. In front of Mulder, two tall men were arguing. One had a ponytail, big brown eyes which were set just a little too close together, and a magnificent physique. He wore a kilt from which sweatpants peeked, and a long coat, which hung open to reveal his carefully labeled muscle groups. There was a sign on his back that read, "Take My Head". It was signed, "His best friend, Richie, just kidding" The other man had a nose as long and beautiful as Mulder's own; he was tall, narrow hipped, and had a line of blue paint smeared all around his swanlike neck. Both men carried swords. Actually, they had stopped arguing and were now holding hands.

 

Mulder recognized his informer, Mr. X. He was about to confront the man about being dead, but the sight of all those rolls of masking tape stopped him. Right next to X, The well-manicured man stood, buffing his nails and smiling, as if in gentle reminiscence. 

 

Pendrell timidly waggled his hands in greeting, sweetly smiling and not at all bothered by the headline of the gossip rag that he was reading. The headline said, "Dead Redheads of the X files, Brian Pendrell dies heroically, (He died with his socks on). He is mourned by Jeff Spender, Dana Scully, Alex Krycek, Fox Mulder, and Walter Skinner." 

 

Wow, who would think such an innocent-looking lab-geek would have gotten around to that extent?

 

And, speaking of Jeff Spender, there the man was, standing in line, reading a book titled, "Your Father, Yourself, Fifty Ways to Determine Unhealthy Relationships." Hmm, you would think the bullet hole in the cover would be a clue. But what the hell was that brat doing here? His Alex would not have anything to do with Ferret-Boy? After all, Ferrets eat rats-"Oh," Mulder thought, "oh, that explains it."

 

A large blond man was arguing that he was Krycek's creator and he really should not have to stand in line. He had a hacksaw in one hand and dangled a plastic limb from the other. Mulder shuddered. Now, that guy was a really evil dude! Mulder snickered as he saw a lynch mob organizing in the background. As the man noticed them, he yelped and ran, leaving his place at the front of the queue.

 

Ahead of Mulder was a group of confused Russians. As Mulder watched, the Russians were attacked by a group of grim-looking militia. Men in black, who wore silly looking Rat-Ear caps, immediately broke up the conflict. The quarreling men were sent to the end of the line.

 

Mulder grinned. Now, he was almost at the front. Before him was a farm woman, who wore a hand-knit sweater and a calico dress. She was chatting with an alien rebel, who had sunglasses over his sewn-shut eyes as a disguise. A clone was on his cell phone, looking as if he was about to split.

 

As the line moved, Mulder gasped. What the hell was Skinner doing here and why did he tote the large economy size of condom box? Skinner noticed him and gazed off in the other direction as if he hadn't seen his wayward agent.

 

Beyond Skinner, nearly at the head of the line, Mulder was shocked to see a small pretty woman. Scully? Scully was going to rescue Krycek? His lovely sweet partner carried handcuffs, condoms, and a dainty little whip. It was very distracting imagining what Scully could do with these things, especially when she seemed to be sizing him up for one or more of her little devices as well. Scully wore red high heels, and a tee shirt with an arrow, pointing nowhere and lettering underneath that read, "I was ditched by Stupid..."

 

Scully had an embarrassed Frohike for company and Mulder had enlisted Langley. However, John Byers was here by himself. That bunch of bananas, the Spike, that coil of rope, and the odd plastic container could bear with explanation. On reflection, maybe, Mulder didn't want to hear it. He suddenly remembered that he had dropped Alex off at the Lone-Gun-Men's headquarters after finding him dangling off the railing, which surrounded the balcony of Skinner's apartment.

 

The cigarette smoking man stood at the ticket booth ahead, looking pleased. He announced, "Don't worry. As soon as one group has rescued Alex, we will abduct him again. There will be plenty of opportunity for everyone to earn his gratitude. Now, please take a number and the first rescuer may commence. 

 

Mulder hurried to take a number and gaped at it; hell, he was the star and he had to wait that long? The two handsome swordsmen apparently had reached an agreement. They were fondling each other's weapons and sighing. The one with the ponytail gave him and Scully their numbers. The strangely familiar, almost rapturous man with the really nice nose said, "Here, we'll trade. Mac and I will take our turns later. I think we need to plan something."

 

As they walked away, hand in hand and hand on, uh ... the one with the big brown eyes and the ponytail said, "I have to tell you. He looks so much like Cory. You don't suppose Amanda found out about all the times with Cory and me while she was shopping or at the beauty parlor?"

 

The lean, beautifully languid swordsman said, "Don't worry about it, Duncan. Let's go make sure that the motel on site has king-size beds. We can share and make do with one number after we have worked out really detailed plans."

 

Mulder looked at Scully, the whip, the condoms, and the handcuffs. He checked out Skinner, who unbuttoned his shirt just a little more and rippled all those lovely muscles. His knees, having this irresistible urge to sag, Mulder said, "You know; Alex might need a lot of bathing and tender loving care. Maybe, we should all help?"

 

Skinner produced a few cans of whipping cream and said, "I have just the thing to soothe that pretty skin. You are right, Mulder. We, FBI agents, should stick together!"

 

CSM cackled and counted his earnings. This was only the first of his really good ideas. Why, once he opened his Diana Fowley Shooting Gallery, his Pendrell Resurrection ride and his Save Jeff Spender Tunnel of Love and Mystery Maze, he would be bigger then the guy with all the mouse ears. Forget mice, Rats were better then mice. Mice could be cute, but rats, green eyed, black-jacketed, long eye lashed rats had the most amazing appeal. 

 

Spender Senior frowned. Too bad Alex had finagled a share of the profits. He really was a rat, that boy!


End file.
